As I am writing these words, I am less than a week from beginning my travels! I can’t believe it. Berlin, Germany is my first stop. There, I will be doing a consulting project for a local start-up and visiting city attractions with my MBA class. Currently, I am fighting a battle with the Duolingo bird and making sure I am managing a packing list for four seasons at once (Germany in Spring, Texas in the Summer, Fall in Switzerland, and Winter in Vietnam). I am also saying goodbye to many friends at once, finishing my first year of graduate school, and spending my days in AAA to get my car AC fixed before going on a cross-country road trip in not too long (update: always get a friend who knows cars, thank you Sam!). While still sleeping, eating, and calling my parents. This season is teaching me the art of adulting all over again.
This upcoming series of traveling also reminds me of the big considerations I had when I first decided to move to the U.S., and then Virginia from Texas. There were a million pieces of the puzzle, and I was the one in charge. I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been incredibly intimidated by puzzles. I mean, the actual game. Who am I to think that I can put 1500 pieces back together, with dozens of them looking almost exactly the same? Yet we all do this when we move to a new place. The possibilities are endless, but there are very narrow ways to have a complete and well-fitting picture at the end. Well, in this blog, I want to walk you through the high-level things I’m thinking about as I embark on my new and upcoming adventures. The big-ticket items. How do I make friends? How do I find community? Who do I listen to? How do I make sure I’m doing all the right things? What are the right things even? I hope my writing inspires you to think about your adventures and cultivate a life you love in different places. This post has a much more Biblical perspective than my last blog, which is why I separated them, for I believe there are areas where human wisdom does not really suffice.
- Choose who you listen to
“Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.” James 3:13
I’d like to think about seeking counsel as the first and foremost important step in making big life decisions. You need to pause and think about this carefully. Someone said this to me a long time ago and I’ve never forgotten it: “If you don’t want to imitate their life, don’t listen to their advice.” I think this does apply when someone tells you about what they wished they would have done (you should definitely pay attention to that one), but the statement holds true on its own. When everyone can sound equally convincing, few are usually right. This is a delicate matter for two reasons. One, even when you think the counselor is wise, there are times when the counsel is inappropriate for lack of context. Two, when it comes to counsel, quantity does matter. Pay attention when all your counselors are saying the same thing. There might be more truth there than you think.
With all that said, how do you build a group of “wise folks” whose input you regard highly in this season of transition? If you want something, you must pursue it. If you want to learn something, be near the people who are good at those things. Soak up their wisdom. Listen to their stories. Ask them questions. I’ve always enjoyed being with people who are much older and more experienced than I am because they simply know more.
Practically, make a list of people who have done life well with wisdom from the Lord. Whose lives you want yours to look like. Then send a personalized, respectful, and sincere note asking them out for lunch or coffee. Offer to pay if you can. Share with them your big concerns and questions about moving to a new place. Ask them how they found their church and built their community. Ask them how they approached their single lives, what kind of things they were investing their time in, and what were they doing to prepare for the next stage of life. It will be one of the best things you ever do.
- Be in the Scriptures
“But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” James 3:17
I’d like to dedicate a whole section just to this. Remember what I said about wanting your life to look like someone’s? What about Jesus’? What about the life of the only perfect man?
Throughout every season of life, despite the vastly different ways they have looked, I’ve many times had the temptation to only compare my life to other people’s lives and completely forget to seek Jesus’ words on how He wants it to look like. Let’s think of Jane, who has a very desirable life. My life might not look like Jane’s, even after I’ve tried to mimic the good parts of Jane’s life, because Jesus does not have those things for me. He has His own plan for me and as long as I’m walking in it, I’m content. Similarly, the only way for Jane to be truly content is to learn of the will of God for her life and walk joyfully in it. (P/s: Jane is not real).
With that said, seek the Scriptures to find Jesus’ wisdom in it. Learn about the way He thinks about different things. Learn about the kinds of questions He asks. Learn of His heart and character. If there is anything I am to strive to be in this new beginning, it’s to be more like Jesus in my character despite my weak heart and feeble frame. And always know that if you pray to be more like Jesus, God will give you opportunities to become more like Jesus. It is one of the ways that He is faithful.
- Finding good community
“My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” Colossians 2:2-3
How do I make sure I find Godly community? This is the biggest question for me, to this day, and I think the reason is that community is something seemingly out of our control. We can’t control the type of people we are going to meet in our new place and whether they’ll like us back. But I also believe that there are ways you can set yourself up for success in this area. Like everything else, you cannot enter into a battle unprepared.
I think finding community starts firstly with prayers. I’ve never seen this one fail. Pray that God will give you a community of people who love you and know you. Pray that He’ll bring you friends who spur you on toward love and good deeds, who will be more energy givers than energy takers, who will teach you what sacrificial love looks like and will also teach you to love them the same way.
Finding community then continues with being yourself. I can’t stress this enough. In Vietnam, we have an ancient idiom that says: “Every pot has a lid that belongs to it.” I can’t stress this enough, again. By being yourself, and moreover, the best version of yourself, you’ll attract people who are made to be your best friends. With that said, as we grow and mature in Christ, our friends might change and that’s more than ok. Iron sharpens iron. That’s the point of friendship.
Finding community, finally, takes time. The last thing I’m going to include in this blog is: show up. Show up to the events. Show up when someone needs help. Show up in conversations, discussions, and group texts. Integrate yourself into the group you want to be in. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be looking for welcoming arms, but oftentimes, the group is waiting to see whether you’ll be a great fit for them too. Participate cheerfully and be giving. I wish I could tell you that your dream group of friends or community will fit you like a glove right away, but sometimes, it takes time to open honest conversations, earn trust, and get to know each other. Good things take time to grow! Enjoy the process as you meet new people and be intentional about loving them.
Ok, I hope I’ve done a fair enough job of explaining the reasons behind the way I do things but also give you some practical tips. I hope this serves you well. I am keeping these things top of mind as I am launching into a new place, too.
Let’s do this well together.
Love,
Tram
P/S: Posting this third blog at the airport! I’m going on my trips. So grateful! Talk to you again in a week 🙂
simply homemaker 
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