To be honest, I titled this blog post before I even wrote it. Usually I always title my blog posts after everything has been written, but today, I almost had to tell myself to write this blog because I needed it.
You hear people talk about quarterly life crisis and feel like it won’t happen to you until it happens to you, sitting crisscross on your bed, figuring out all the details of your life and feeling almost defeated by them all. Maybe I’m just too young, or too inexperienced, or too naive, but how come I’m 25 and terrified about moving to Switzerland for 3 months and coming home to see my parents afterwards? I should be thrilled.
And I am thrilled. It’s just I’m also scared and questioning every decision I make every hour of the day. On the step of the wildest door I will ever open and a life-long dream I’m making come true in my 20s, aka living in Europe for a whole semester, I can’t lie but admit that it is extremely scary. A new country, a new school, a new church, a new grocery store, a new everything.
Today, I went with the Ruffins to TCU for Tabitha to tour TCU and had such a wonderful time seeing the campus and even catching Maureen Kenney, a beloved staff at TCU, in her office. Maureen coached me through the most important mock interviews of my life, including the one to Amazon which led to my full-time job which led to me moving across the US to Virginia, Maureen also sponsored a club I was leading when I was a senior in college. What a gift to have seen her, shout out to you Maureen 🙂 It is also so fun and meaningful to invest in Tabitha’s journey of finding out what’s next for her, and it’s one of my favorite things to do ever!
And you know what, being on a college campus brought back all the memories of being a college student and how much I loved being in school and TCU. The moment I left TCU/college, many things seem hard and scary (shout out to car ownership, the one thing that has thrown me without mercy into the depth of adulthood).
Yes, there will be joy and rest, but often times, it doesn’t look or sound like it. It will be unexpected hardship and confusion and new things to navigate, all the time, and I’ll take every practice opportunity I can get.
As the summer is coming to a close and I am reflecting and reflecting, I realized something: Owning a car gives me a sense of responsibility I have never felt in my life. Not even when I was “taking care” of 23 residents in my dorm as an RA or putting myself through rigorous college education and two jobs at the same time. This is different. The car is something I own, and the car’s problems are my problems. It’s on me to make the right decisions, no matter how much friends and family’s counsel I get. I can’t escape the responsibility because the car is mine. I simply must be in charge. And as I’m writing these words, I’m reminded that one of my biggest dreams in life is to be a mom, which means you are responsible for the survival and well-being and character and development of another human being, and it occurred to me something I always knew but never experienced until now: a fulfilled life also comes with a lot of responsibility you don’t anticipate.
What does Jesus mean when He says: “Come to me, those who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls?”
In moments where things are overwhelming, two things happen. I wrote down that Scripture off the top of my head, but I almost couldn’t believe it in my heart. At the same time, something in me leapt at the sheer possibility of this truth, that Jesus can give me rest. All I need to do is to come to Him. All I need to do is to trust Him.
How many more times in my life will I have to make decisions that will impact the well-being of myself and my family? Decisions that might alter the course of our lives?
Thank you, Jesus. I get it. I need the practice.
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Ok… a quick break from the blog post to tell you that I just came home from having dinner with my friend Zoe, whom I met in ministry during college and haven’t seen since I graduated. Who would have thought that driving home in the pouring rain while listening to Meg Jay (author, not artist) after life-giving conversations with your friend can do so much good for your soul? Plus a solid 15 minutes lying on the floor. That too.
This morning, I took mama Julie to the airport and sorted out her 44 bags and hugged her real tight before she took off to go to Ethiopia. It’s truly remarkable how one person can have so much impact on your life, and Julie is that person in my life. I then drove to Kate’s (Julie’s daughter) house and spent the rest of the day playing with her six babies. We had such a sweet time (I was told 3 separate times today that someone really liked me) watching The Duck Song (a true bomb.com, must see), trading erasers (shout out to cute erasers at Mardel), and dancing in the playroom! I love kiddos, always have, always will, and spending the day with them always fills my cup.
Then I went home and did chores and made some food and did my devotional and now writing my blog. I pretty much want to live a day like this every single day, just not the part where I have to send mama off to the airport.
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Okay, it is D-1 today… by this time you probably realized that I’ve been updating this blog pretty much every single day leading up to my trip like a diary! Last night, Victoria and I went to see a Rangers game and that was a fun time (sport games are not my love language, but it’s Victoria’s)! This morning, I visited grandma Betty and said bye to Ken, Betty, and Dunkin, after getting all of my errands done and my sheets washed and my things put away. I’m sitting now on Ronnie’s living room floor writing today’s entry with little Inchy, Ronnie’s shih tzu dog, as my little buddy, having just returned from my last errand: dropping off the third AC compressor I bought at FedEx to return it. I have had virtually zero luck with this all summer and just now learning to let it go, hoping that next year I’ll have better luck and will finally have AC.
The night ended with watching Eat Pray Love to “mentally prepare” for my adventures abroad, but I must be honest, I find the movie a little sad. The character was trying to find her own ideas of God at the wrong places, and I feel like at times she got very close. And even though I’m ecstatic to see and hike the mountains, I’m also excited to continue building Christian community in this new place. That is where true community can be found.
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Can’t believe I am saying this… but it’s Day-0!!!
I am a ball of nerves.
I don’t know how many times I’ve done this, packing up all my things and moving into a new place, but this is so different. Words can’t describe how thankful I am to have had Victoria take me to the airport and just literally comforting and encouraging and speaking truth to me the whole way. She is so amazing and exactly what I needed! Thank you Jesus!
As I am sitting at the airport sipping a pumpkin chai latte, the most American thing and the last American thing I will be doing for a long time, I realized that this is the first Fall in 8 years I’m not spending in America!
What would I do with my life without baking pumpkin-spiced things every week?
Jokes aside, I was sad for a second because I know I would miss the bonfires, the cozy sweaters, the fall retreats. But I realized that I can bring most of that to Switzerland too. I brought two really cozy sweaters and mama Julie and I got new gloves for this trip and my mom sent me so many wintery things to keep me warm. I guess I will be fine 🙂
Even though life was crazy and unexpected and unnerving for the past year, I didn’t miss out on the Virginia fall and the cozy days spent with my friends by the bonfire or living out the best Christmas season one can have.
And as I embark on a new adventure, I don’t have to leave the pumpkin spiced things and the cozy sweaters and the watching Gilmore Girls at dinner behind! As I wrote in my first blog ever, I’m practicing what I preach by bringing with me the things that give me so much comfort and joy! My colorful dresses, my cozy blanket and socks, even a fluffy rug I was able to fit in my luggage. Since I wasn’t able to bring so many books, I invested in a new Kindle and filled it up with sweet books! For this trip, it will be the Christian’s Secret of a Happy Life by Hannah Smith.
I also spent a lot of time looking up the area I am going to live in and marking favorite ALL the coffee shops around the area. I need a spot to write my blog and get inspirations for school work! How else would you get it done? (Many other ways, but coffee shops stand behind the most hardworking days in my life). Okay… two more planes and a train ride, and I’ll catch you guys in St. Gallen!
You know it. I’m in St. Gallen!
I’ll write another blog to describe my first week here, but so far, it’s going well! I was a ball of nerves, but by God’s grace made it to St. Gallen in one piece, with all three of my suitcases (still glad I did that because the closet they gave me here is massive). Someone really kind helped me get all the suitcases on the train and get me to the right side of the station, and the university I am studying at has this wonderful welcome gift of a free taxi ride from the housing office to the house that we’re going to be staying at because it is on top of a hill! I took the cab back with a girl studying law in St. Gallen named Luisa, and we became fast friends (first friend I made in St. Gallen!). We went to the grocery store together and stayed up to chat with two other people from Norway and Sweden in the 4th floor kitchen, and that was a fun time getting to know everyone better. I’m showered, fed, friended, and cozied up in bed after a long day of traveling. Just so thankful for the people in my life and thankful to have this opportunity to travel. I love St. Gallen already. It’s so quaint, and green, and everything I dreamed of. I know picking a small town for a study abroad trip was a good idea, but it’s being here that I thank myself for picking it (and God for making it happen) – I would never have loved a big city for this grand adventure.
I’m so thankful to be here on this new adventure and spend three months here, this is truly such a sweet gift that I don’t deserve! Truly grateful for all my friends and family for making my dream of living in Europe for one semester come true!
I’m about to go to sleep here; Luisa and I said we’d take a walk around the city at about 7:30AM tomorrow and this is to get myself ready for my 8:15AM classes starting next week. I’d love to add you to my Apple shared album if you are interested, just leave me a comment.
See you next week 🙂 The featured image of this blog post is the view from my window in St. Gallen.
Love,
Tram
simply homemaker 
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