simply homemaker

Hello, everyone!

This blog post marks a new rhythm for us. Starting this week, I will be writing a blog every two weeks instead of once a week. Life moves so fast here in Switzerland, and I am realizing that I need more time to process information and life events before sharing about them on the blog. This will also allow me to write longer blog posts that cover more topics!

I am also coming back to themed blogs. Talking about my weeks and what I learned have been fun, and I have enjoyed this luxury. But this Fall, I also have big plans for the blog that will give back to YOU, those who have been so kind, loving, and supportive in this process.

To begin… I thought, why don’t I start with the 25 things I have learned in the 25 years I have been alive? Things that can make someone’s life better because they read them on this little blog. There will be big things, but there will also be small things. The point is, I’m sharing these lessons because they are essentially everything that has added value to my life thus far. This exercise also is really for me to gather my million thoughts and narrow down my focus on what really matters.

If something is not helpful for you, like C.S. Lewis likes to say, drop it 🙂 But I really hope you stick around. This will be long, but I hope it will be worth it! I will be quoting from Mere Christianity from C. S. Lewis (one of my favorite books) throughout this blog, because he said so many things more eloquently than I can. I’ll also be sharing some of my favorite photos from Switzerland.

Enjoy!

1. First thing: Jesus makes everything matter

I believe that most people, including me, have asked themselves questions about the meaning of life, including their own.

Why does anything even matter? Why?

What is the main thing I should be going after? Success? Happiness? Fulfillment? Peace? (The last one is a popular one).

I spent many painful years learning that none of these things could be found outside of Jesus.

Success? More of a feeling than a reality, because there is ALWAYS something bigger and better. And how long does it usually last? Only for a couple days, sometimes hours.

Happiness? There are many nuances surrounding the topic of happiness. How am I supposed to be happy when there are things in my life that are not going well? How am I supposed to be happy all the time when I am actually suffering? Is there real, sustainable happiness? What is even happiness?

Fulfillment. Okay, this one is actually a hard one. I loved volunteering and developing people even before I became a Christian. These things do give me so much “fulfillment,” as I liked to say it. But sometimes, when I come home from the biggest events I have ever hosted, where I was praised as the star of the show for doing something “amazing for the community,” I laid at night, sleepless, feeling emptier than ever after the rush and buzz have faded away. Somehow, I was still unfilled. And I knew there is not much else I can be doing with life that can be more fulfilling than what I just did. Why am I laying there thinking everything was just such a big lie? Am I that good of a person? What if they find out who I actually am?

“If we ask: ‘Why ought I to be unselfish?’ and you reply ‘Because it is good for society,’ we may then ask, ‘Why should I care what’s good for society except when it happens to pay me personally?’ and then you will have to say, ‘Because you ought to be unselfish’—which simply brings us back to where we started.” – C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Fulfillment has to come from out of ourselves.

The last thing: Peace. I am just going to tell you this straight. Outside of the presence of God, peace is simply a myth. If you have watched Eat, Pray, Love, you’ll know what I am talking about. Many try to find it in life enjoyment, family and friends, and even religious activities. But deep down, all of us are afraid that one day the peace will disappear, when the life enjoyments die down, family and friends leave, and the religious activities no longer patch the holes in our lives.

For those who think there is simply no meaning to life, consider this quote: “If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be a word without meaning.” – C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Only the assurance that one day, Jesus will wipe every tear from every eye, that He will rule with justice and righteousness, and that His Kingdom will be an everlasting one, makes everything matter.

“…it is just no good asking God to make us happy in our own way without bothering about religion. God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.”

2. Relationships matter, only secondly

“We might think that God wanted simply obedience to a set of rules: whereas He really wants people of a particular sort.”

The most important relationship in life is with Jesus.

I can go on and on about why. Why would you not prioritize a relationship with the man who died for you?

It’s silly to think that we can find a physical human being who knows us completely and loves us completely. The truth is, no one can possibly do that. On a daily basis, we make a lot of assumptions about ourselves and others, and more compromises than we like to admit.

Who do you think of when you need to make a decision? Who do you most want to please everyday? Who do you think will be there first when you are hurting?

These are the questions that reveal deep down what a person thinks about God. And this will trickle down to every single other relationship of your life.

When you submit to God and His teaching about human relationships in your life, they blossom.

I’ve seen this over, over, and over again. Every single important friendship of mine has come from the Lord and been sustained by Him.

3. When in doubt, move your body

I never was an active kid.

I love camp. I went swimming maybe once a week. I played badminton in the park on Saturdays with my family. I also did ball room dancing for a couple years. That was it.

The beginning of my 20s was the first time I discovered the joy and discipline of moving my body every day.

I fell in love with pilates and strength training. I went from having to leave the room feeling sick in cycling class to absolutely enjoying it. I went hiking almost every week. I even signed up again for ballroom dancing. I would walk and walk and walk, regardless of whether it’s on the trail or in the middle of the city.

And I think movement has played a significant role in my mental health and stability facing so many changes in the past three years. Instead of shutting down, I would go outside and move my body, and then I would feel thankful about being alive.

The fun thing is you can pick so many things. Pilates, running, badminton, pickleball, whatever fancies you.

While I will never be an ultimate frisbee or kickball girl, I will happily be a pilates doing, ballroom dancing girl.

4. Apologize first

Hands down one of the best things I’ve ever learned. Just don’t wait. Do it.

“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” Romans 12:10

Our human nature HATES saying sorry and being wrong. Like, a genuine “I’m sorry.” If you don’t feel a lump in your throat when you’re about to say it, it’s probably not real.

But Jesus says we shall take delight in being able to honor each other by placing them above ourselves.

I’ve found that saying sorry first, regardless of the other party’s wrongdoing, even if there is the most minor wrongdoing in my part, a secret to healthy relationships and resolution.

It saves so much time, further heartache and confusion, and bitterness. You can actually do something about what is wrong when someone shows a willingness.

If things go south, or if the other person doesn’t either acknowledge your sincere apology or acknowledge their own fault in the matter, it teaches you about who they are and shows you clearly where the Lord wants the relationship to be.

Do not be the reason a relationship ends unjustly.

5. A call to your parents usually helps

Many a times in life I’ve navigated through many things alone and regretted not calling my parents sooner.

I’m not saying to call your parents every time something goes wrong. What I’m saying is I think we all have a tendency to forget that our parents want to be a part of our lives and they love us, no matter how old we are.

Even if they can’t provide a solution, your relationship will be stronger because they are aware of aspects of your life that would be hidden unless shared.

Make sure to indicate that you would only like to share, not to receive advice, when that is applicable. That will probably prevent many interesting conversations 🙂

6. Christian friends make every season of life better

Friends that love you and sacrifice their own interests for you? Friends that know unconditional love and seek to honor you? Friends who know love, joy, peace, gentleness, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control? Sign me up.

Since I have been a Christian, I cannot recall a single point in my life where a Christian friend has not poured in so much light and joy into it, and made it hundreds of times better.

So, what I learned is: wherever I end up in life, pray for and find the Christian friends.

Find the girl that you can spend time with in a God-honoring way.

Find a group that will uplift you in prayers.

Find women that pour into you and invite you into their lives.

And when you find them, follow up. Be prayerful. Be intentional. Be kind.

7. Read as much as you can, in whatever way it needs to be

I definitely have seasons where I read more and seasons where I don’t get to read as much. However, I have found it crucial to always have a list of books ready when you have moments you can read. Reading now can take many different forms. You can read paper books at home once a week at night, by the candlelight and a cup of tea. You can burn through Audible books while driving thirty minutes to your babysitting jobs. You can read on the train with your Kindle. I have learned to read in different settings, and it has always been the thing that keeps me intellectually stimulated. Books have been a major teacher and a friend in my life and have brought me closer to the Lord in more season than one.

Also, when someone recommends you a book, always write it down. Who knows when you will be scratching your head trying so hard to remember what that one person who is so knowledgeable and passionate about that one thing told you about?

8. Be humble

I can’t believe it took me this long to mention humility as a life lesson.

Whenever I am facing crisis in my life, whether it is by my fault or not, I always find the BEST way to move forward is to be humble about the situation before God.

Being humble means a lot more than a mindset and a reaction. Being humble, in this sense, is placing your wellbeing and the outcome of your affairs into God’s hands.

And humility gives you a lot more, I’ve learned.

You react better to injustice and hardship, knowing that Jesus already knows everything the situation, and He neither leaves nor forsakes you.

You become a better empathizer, as you consider others’ wellbeing and feelings in the situation as well, having Jesus as your comforter.

You grow in maturity and wisdom and obtain favor from the ones that God ordains, as Proverbs 11:2 says: “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”

9. When you are not sure what to say, do not say anything

I can’t stress this enough, for I have had to learn this the hard way.

I don’t think there’s much I need to say about this. Bad communication, even with good intentions, leads to all sorts of problems that were not even a problem in the first place.

Here’s what I learned to say instead:

“Can I do anything for you?”

“Is there anything you need?”

“I’m here for you.”

10. It’s better to be alone than to be with the wrong person

Ok, this one is seriously one of hardest but truest things I’ve learned.

I’m not an advocate for singleness forever, I’m actually a big fan of marriage, because God created marriage to reflect the most beautiful intimacy: relationship between Him and us.

However, He also put boundaries around it all: you only give your heart to the One you enter into a covenant with.

And until it is clear who it is, you truly do not want to act before He does.

It’s amazing in my life how I’ve grown in this single area over the years, thanks to His love and chastening.

11. Drink water!

It took me the first 20 years of life ignoring my mom’s complaints and advice before I learned from Instagram that I need to drink water.

Sorry, mom.

12. When you need a boost of confidence, get inspired!

Over-excitement can be dangerous in high-stake situations. But when it is appropriate, a little dose of inspiration can go a long way.

Have a presentation? Go watch a Ted Talk before you leave the house.

Have a date coming up? Go read Scriptures about relationships, not just about marriage, but also relationships with all believers.

Feeling a little dull? Go get some flowers. Light a candle. Put on Gilmore Girls.

Feeling a little nerdy and also a little insecure about it? (This has been me my whole life). Go to the bookstore and fully embrace picking up an encyclopedia or book on the subject.

The point is, a touch of external perspective and input can shift the mood and the way you feel about your day, your life, your moment.

13. A walk a day keeps the sadness away

I’ve found walking to be one of the best ways to spend a sad or confusing day.

When you’re sad, you might just want to bury your head in a pillow. Sometimes, that’s ok too.

But I’ve always found it extremely helpful, and sometimes life-changing, to put on some shorts, get some water, and go on a walk in the sun or on a beautiful trail.

As time goes on and my walk feels more natural rather than forced, my mind and heart get lighter. I am able to think a little bit more clearly and my breathing even calms down.

During your walk, pick up something sweet, like a flower, or a cookie, or the phone to call a friend, and I promise, the hard season will get better.

14. If you don’t need it, don’t buy it

This is something that I am still learning, but I can say that I’ve become a lot better in the past year (mainly because I left the workforce and went back to school).

Being 23 and going back to school has taught me again the ability to be resourceful and make the most use of what I have.

But the most helpful money tips I’ve learned at this point of life currently are:

1. Be generous, when you have a chance
2. Money spent is money spent, no matter how much money you “save” (aka girl math)
3. It’s always wise to sit on some cash, no matter how risk tolerant you are
4. Spend money on high ROI items (for me: a round pair of gold earrings, travel and skill classes, and educational investments

15. Getting your nails done is not really worth it

One, you’re breathing in straight chemicals. Two, its’ a week of groceries.

16. Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul

Maybe I am too Texan saying this, but there are not many more important things than being nice, especially when you don’t feel like it.

Kind words are not only giving grace to the other person, but it’s like applying honey to yourself. It softens and sweetens you.

Saying things like thank you, no worries, excuse me, etc. goes a very long way. There is reason why developed Western cultures are so polite and socially ordered. It signals self-awareness and even self-confidence in most scenarios.

17. When you’re grumpy, buy some chocolate and take a nap

Whatever you’re doing, it’s not worth continue doing if you’re going to do it in a bad mood.

Go take a nap. One hour break might save you many hours of intensity and regret.

Also, in general, breaks are so important. Take them.

18. Have something you’re taking care of

Especially if you are single 🙂 It can be a plant, or a pet, even through your job. As humans, we’re made to interact with and take care of nature.

When I moved into my first apartment post college, I had a tomato and a pepper plant. Their names were Ben and Bonnie. It helped me so much in that season of trying to take care of myself to actually take care of something else. It’s not necessarily an escape from my daily worries, but having something that helps you take the spotlight off yourself is so healthy for everyone, especially me.

19. Get a hobby

I’ve been out of college for 3 years and have picked up: pottery, pilates, baking, everything homemaking, singing and finding new music, theater and ballet, indoor cycling, occasional running, traveling, and (again) ballroom dancing. I’m truly grateful to have had time to develop my own interests in this season life, because there are seasons in life where that is not really an option (example: coming back to get my MBA).

My take? Pilates and pottery have been deeply formative in my personal life. Dancing is one of the best workouts. Homemaking is still a learning curve, but I’m learning how that it is more of a lifestyle than a hobby now.

For inspiration, these are 15 most popular hobbies out there right now in 2024:

1. Reading
2. Traveling
3. Fishing
4. Crafting
5. TV (eh)
6. Bird watching (yes!)
7. Collecting
8. Music
9. Gardening
10. Golf
11. Pickleball
12. A sport
13. Art/painting
14. Hiking
15. Cooking

20. It’s ok to be wrong

At work, at school, and in life, I’ve been wrong so many times. In small things such as whether I should go to a school event or do homework tonight, or bigger things such as who to date or what ministry to commit my time to.

The older I grow, the more comfortable I am admitting that I don’t know everything all the time.

And you know what? This attitude has given me the freedom to ask for input, to ask for help, and to even take pauses before making big decisions. It has allowed me to invite God into every decision as I ask Him for wisdom and discernment.

And that’s been a real sign of growth for me.

21. Appreciate, don’t criticize

I first learned about this in How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. When I learned it, it truly blew my mind.

Criticism also is very different from constructive and solicited feedback.

Criticism: negative, often times exaggerated, inconsiderate, used to bring someone down

Feedback: positive, true, considerate, used to make someone better

Appreciation: positive, reflection of relationship, uplifting, empowering

22. Take it in

This morning, on the train back from Lugano, I spent an hour just appreciating the Swiss mountains waking up in the morning.

It made my heart sing all the loveliest songs.

In life’s changing seasons, we often feel tempted to drift and to miss what’s around us, where God’s world is quite endless. Sometimes, we even miss the point of why we are here and what we were created to do.

We are created to worship and be in relationship with the One who made us.

We are created to share about Him.

We are also created to eat, drink, and be merry.

When the world is hustling and worrying and stressing and racing, go the other way. Go to the feet of Jesus and stay there, with the One “gentle and lowly in heart.”

That is the place we ought to go from.

23. Try new things

Here are the list of things I have not only come to be able to consume but also come to love in the past years: Eggplant, Peanut butter, Mexican food, Tortilla, Cheese, Artichoke (soup), The rain, Snow, and Running

I’d like to say that I have been impressed with myself.

What made it possible? Two things;
1. Realizing that it’s more mental than physical

2. Realizing that God made every natural thing for our enjoyment

24. Be thankful

Count it all joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

25. Document things

Which is what I am doing right now. Life, as you get older, flies by quicker and quicker every year. You’ll miss the details if you don’t document them.

Journal. Take pictures. Write letters. Save the responses. Save the tickets, receipts, notes, trinkets. Store them well and look at them and take care of them often, for we all need reminders of who we are sometimes.

Here’s a little update: I just spent the prettiest sunny days in Lugano, the Italian canton of Switzerland. Here’s a picture of the sunset we saw on Monte Bre. I have an important interview tomorrow, and my friend Blair comes in the next day, and then I’ll have a week and a half of school. We’ll be traveling throughout Switzerland and Austria together, saying goodbye in Vienna. And then I have exactly a month before I fly home to Vietnam.

I love you and miss everyone. You see, time flies so quickly, even this adventure is wrapping up soon. Three more months, and I’ll be in the States again, beginning a new season back with the Ruffins (so excited) and baking and serving my youth group once more, before graduating from my MBA.

Until then, may we drink our water, stay present, take it all in, and give thanks to the Lord in all circumstances.

Love,

Tram