simply homemaker

I’m sitting at a cozy desk looking out at a landscape of white snow, and this is my third time attempting to write this blog.

It is hard to put the last two weeks into words. Or know where to begin. Somehow, writing this entry feels more vulnerable and scarier than others, even compared to my really sad blog this past fall at the St. Gallen cathedral.

It was sad to leave home. I got used to the comfort and familiarity of being in one place for a long time without much expected of me. So leaving home and my family was really hard.

During my last week home, I still got to see my grandmother for a meal, saw my cousins, my aunt, my uncle, and my great aunt for a mini family gathering, and reconnected with my friend from high school who is now a mom to a one-year-old.

It’s been a heart-warming experience coming back and having a home waiting for me here in Virginia. As always, I jumped straight back into the swing of things, one of the best ways to deal with change I have learned.

I am enjoying two weeks of unoccupied mornings before starting my part-time job with World Vision, and am still navigating taking 18 credit hours of class in the evening.

I was sitting around my possessions that I retrieved from a dear friend of mine, Mrs. Diane Carnahan, who has held on to these items for the past 8 months. I realized, more and more, in the past month packing my life again, how much stuff I actually have. Somehow, I didn’t see my overconsumption to this extent before, before I packed my life into 2.5 suitcases and moved to Switzerland.

Crazy how your perspectives can change after you uproot from everything you’ve known and attempt to live from a suitcase jumping from country to country and home to home.

Now, I’m back with all my possessions and unsure exactly what to do. Endless amount of clothes and books and cutesy things. And that is after having left so many things to friends and family. Part of me wants to sell half of my clothes (which I already kind of did) and have a fresh start, part of me wants to leave them in bags and not have to deal with them. I’ll keep you updated on what I will do.

Having learned a very hard lesson about overconsumption, I’m committing to an underconsumption year to balance things out, which means two things: no eating out, and no buying unnecessary things. I don’t have hard rules, but I’m asking for God’s grace day by day to be wise about my spending and consumption.

One second, life to me was spring in the air and monsoon winds, and the next second, life becomes snowy rooftops outside the floral draped window. Funny how the seasons go by.

A 30-hour trip brought me to the U.S., back to where everything started. The desire to travel and experience the world through study abroad, the struggles and blessings of finding a home to stay for the spring and planning for summer and fall, it all began just about this time last year.

I’m sitting next to Joanna, during our “writing time” in the beautiful writing room, with a cup of lemon ginger tea, looking out to the snow writing this blog and trying to fight off the jetlag.

A week ago, my friend Yelani picked me from the airport, and coming to live with the Ruffin’s has been a sweet homecoming. I went to church 2 hours after returning to the States and got to hug so many of my favorite people, who basically thought I left for good already and was just only visiting. So, telling people that I’m staying for at least another 5 months turned out to be a pleasant surprise for many.

Two years ago, when I was deciding what to do in the next stage of life, one thing I was certain about: my location shall remain the same. Be it a Masters degree (which ended up happening to my surprise) or another job, I knew I had to remain in Virginia, for I had to serve my church and stay rooted with my people. This decision has led to me eventually getting a masters scholarship to attend one of the most expensive universities in the U.S. and growing exponentially closer to my church community, through serving with AWANA, staying with families, and attending women’s ministry events throughout the spring.

This time around, I couldn’t help but feel like something has changed. I’m open for change. In fact, I desire to change, for one last time.

It’s hard to explain the last season to people. To many, it seems like I upped and went and left so many prospects here, romantically and professionally. To me, it was an experience that changed how I know who God is and what He desires from me, a once-in-a-lifetime chance to see His amazing creation, and a time to reconnect with things I thought I lost, like childhood friends. It was also a time when I found another home in a new city, and made friends that would last a lifetime. To me, it was all worth the struggle.

I called mama Julie and she told me to have a planned response to whenever someone asked if I was seeing someone and planning to get married soon. Recently, my response has been: “I’ve been investing time in traveling and seeing the world, and I’m looking forward to seeing what’s next.”

And it’s all true.

I pray, Father, you give me the joy and peace that allow me to truthfully say these words each time.

For the first time in years, I don’t know what is happening this May. I don’t know whether I’m going to get a job here or have to move back to Vietnam. I don’t know what this next season holds, and so I’m letting God hold me. Each day.

Each day, I wake up and return to His quiet presence, reminding myself that I am loved without prerequisites.

Is it how coming back from grand adventures usually feels like?

Yesterday, I came home from dinner with a family who was constantly trying to give me tips on how to get a boyfriend. I was only there for 2 hours. I came home to wonderful children who wanted to watch my favorite movie, Princess Diaries, with me. The whole experience made me laugh. I feel like Anne Shirley in the little Avonlea!

I might feel like Anne Shirley for a longer while, but I will also be her in other ways. I will enjoy the blossoming spring in the East coast to my fullest, I will love my friends, and I will treasure the beautiful moments in each and every day.

And I’m thankful you’re here with me.

Love,
Tram