simply homemaker

Friends,

Today I decided to write to you about obedience and how much I’ve struggled with it.

About this time last year, I somehow knew I was going to work for Cru. I came back from winter conference with no job offer, just some contacts, and a realization that this might be the place the Lord was leading me to.

But then I thought, ah no, this is probably not it. A job in ministry for me, a foreigner? So I spent the whole summer restlessly studying for the GRE and writing professors at PhD institutions. I even took a friend out for lunch who was graduating from law school because I thought that’s what I was supposed to be doing!

However,

“The heart of man plans his way,

but it’s the Lord that directs his steps.”

(Proverbs 16:9)

In June of 2025, according to His plan, I got on a train to move to Orlando, FL to take up an assignment in ministry.

For the first month of being here, I have been even more restless dreaming about what comes after Cru. What about other PhD programs? What are the countries I can move to? Friends, the struggle is so real for me.

I seem to always need to plan a plan B, which is not always a bad trait. The MBA was technically a plan B, and look where it led me. But I know this is not the plan B. This is the plan A, the only plan, the straight path.

And I think in our hearts we always know what the small and still voice sounds like.

God has been saying to me, day after day, sleepless night after sleepless night, “rest.”

Rest in me. Rest in my promises. Rest, for your journey, not for what’s coming next, for you’re not supposed to know. Rest because I’ve offered it to you and I commanded you to.

I suck at resting. Probably you already know this if you’re my friend. I can’t sit still. I can’t “do nothing.” The sound of that sends sick feelings to my stomach. I’ve been here 1 month and I’ve bought tickets for two trips. There, I confessed it. Even if one of the trip costs $38 for plane tickets and it’s to Europe.

I suck so bad at this and I think that’s exactly why I’m here.

I would return home after work and feel so odd and awkward bringing my warm dinner to the couch to watch a Vietnamese show and laugh because it’s so funny and I love watching it so much. What do you mean I can now watch TV? Someone with my schedule and aspirations don’t “watch TV.” But you know, I’ve actually been loving watching some Vietnamese celebrities bring their suitcases and live up on the beautiful Vietnamese mountains, calling my family in my free time, and going to bed at 9:30PM. It’s been really good for me, and I’m so grateful for this I could cry.

I feel the need and the call to surrender control to the Lord over and over. My schedule. My life plans. My goals. My ideals. My expectations.

To replace restlessness with restfulness.

To breathe in and breathe out.

Before I moved to Orlando, I felt a surge of fear regarding community. I’m 25 now, I thought, and more introverted than I’ve ever been, I also thought. Maybe I should just live alone, and make no new friends, and just let it go by just like that.

But the Ruffin’s going to France made me realize that on the other side of a courage to put myself out there and an obedience to be in community is laughter, love, friendship, understanding, and promises in Christ.

So I put myself out there. I introduced myself. I drove myself to church and Bible studies and dinners and bookshops and even a scenic boat tour. And today, as I was walking out of the Morse Museum of American Art in Winter Park with a folding chair, cards to send to friends, and lots of fun 4th of July treats in my purse, I felt like it might all be okay.

Maybe I can have thriving and loving community, all over again. Maybe I don’t have to be afraid it will never be the same.

Maybe I should just be obedient in this season, and trust the Lord a little bit more.

I don’t know what season of life you are in right now, but transitions, even blessed ones like the one I’m going through right now, feel really scary at times. I’ve been through so many of them that I know just a little bit of how hard they can be sometimes. So I want you to know you are not alone. Whether it is a new job or laying down an old dream, a new move or a decision to put roots down in one, a new relationship or an ended one, I want you to know that so many of us are walking the same path. And there’s a promise that belong to those who decide to put their whole lives into the hands of One.

“When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.”

(Isaiah 43:2)

And sometimes, it feels like this also:

“The Lord is my Shepherd,

I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul.”

(Psalm 23:1)

In the many years I’ve repeated this psalm to myself, I’ve never felt like it’s out of place, and in this season, it sprinkles fresh and cold water on my heart.

I hope you know you are thought about today, my friend.

“How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!”

(Psalm 139: 17)

Love,

Tram