simply homemaker

I woke up extremely grumpy the morning of January 1.

The beautiful fireworks watching the night before had quickly turned into a nightmare as millions of people were on the street at midnight trying to get home, and I ended up walking over 3 kilometers home at 1 in the morning. On top of that, I was approaching that time of the month and my hormones are all wacky because of traveling home and eating whatever everyone else is eating (no one where I’m from knows what gluten free even means, hence zero diet). I was dizzy and exhausted for the entire walk home and finally passed out on my bed at 2am. My parents, who never need much sleep as a retired couple, wanted us out of the house at 8:30am. The result was a very grumpy me the whole morning; it was quite the way to start the year.

I snapped at everyone that morning. I went straight for a nap after coming home in the morning (also was very mad that I HAD to go to Starbucks that morning) and didn’t want lunch. Finally, after lunch, I was sitting on my bed, hands crossed, and I realized I did not want to feel this way.

But how do I get out of this funky mood? I tried making myself better and convinced myself to ignore my own irritation, but it only worsened it. There were definitely imperfect details which happened that morning, but none of those was worth me fuming over. There was real anger in me, real sin, and I was helpless.

It was that moment of helplessness that I asked the Lord to show me what to do. I didn’t like what He said.

He told me to serve.

What? That’s not what I meant.

But He said it again, and I knew He was right.

So I stood up, got an apron and a pair of gloves, still looking extremely grumpy and ready to snap, and got to work.

For the afternoon, I went from silently and angrily cleaning the house to joyfully putting up decorations and preparing the house for Lunar New Year.

Now, I look back and thank the Lord, who has shown me over and over that the only way to get over my sinful self is to put someone else before me. For soon I would forget even the most negative thoughts and seemingly unbeatable desires to sin.

I have been used to plentiful opportunities to serve when I didn’t live at home, either to my friends or my youth group. At home, not really having many friends here, my family is all the Lord places in front of me. And to be honest, I am still wrestling with serving them willingly with a joyful heart. I struggle loving them sometimes, comparing their sins to mine, wishing for a different home environment and relationship with them.

Hence why I think the Lord asked me to come home for six weeks, for I still need the fire that can refine me.

I need to learn to serve them even when I don’t want to. Hopefully, one day when I look back and see these words, I’ll even be more thankful that my Father knows what I need and when.

Isn’t it quite unbelievable that it’s 2025? This time last year I had dreams on end, wild and big and beautiful, dreams that involved no leases or recipes or settlement. Now, I have dreams still, but they all look so different. No more living in the suitcase and making the adventures, my dreams now involve sourdough starters, sewing patterns, and getting to serve God’s precious children from day to day. My dreams involve having a place and a mission to commit and contribute to. I appreciate these things even more after having adventured outside of them. How things can change in just a year!

I guess it’s finally the time to dance.

Today, my mom called home and asked what “word” my brother and I would like written down for the year. It’s an old Asian tradition to have words written down in calligraphy when the new year comes to represent what the family would wish most for the year. I don’t believe that having these words written down in our house would change the course of my fate, for only God is the One in control. But I thought to myself – don’t I also pick a word every year and pray to the Lord for it? God knows my heart!

The word I chose was “An.” In Vietnamese, “an” can mean peace, restfulness, or quietude. I want a year like a calm pond, no waves, no disturbances.

My mom asked me if I was sure I want that word. “What about “thuận” (means ease),” she asked, “the ease to achieve whatever you’re after?”

I thought about it for a second, and said no, I still want “peace.”

God never promised me an easy life, but He did promise a peace that only He can give.

Like the day I just had. Was it hard and unconventional to put on an apron and serve when I was in the midst of my anger? Yes. Did that obedience bring peace?

I’ve been reading The Jordan Rules alongside with grandma Betty, who told me about the book, and the author quoted his school’s president on his graduation day saying this:

“What glorious good news! No matter what may or may not have occurred in the past and no matter how inadequate my understanding, if my relationship with God is one of the unconditional surrender and confident expectation that He will keep His word, I can experience a life of constant victory over temptation and growth toward His own likeness, I can see His purpose for my ministry supernaturally fulfilled, and above all, I can daily experience loving companionship with my Savior.”

That says it all! I’ve read it over and over and the more I read, the more I realized its truth.

The book also discussed the need for spiritual rest (I love this chapter). For a time away focused on spending time in God’s Word, prayer, worship, and seeking His face and voice. I have just had it at L’abri but only a month later already feel like I can use another one. It’s the hours of praying and listening that lend strength to moments that require true courage and real trust.

Missionary Hudson Taylor said: “Let us give up our work, our thoughts, our plans, ourselves, our lives, our loved ones, our influence, our all, right into His hand, and then, when we have given all over to Him, there will be nothing left for us to be troubled about, or to make trouble about.”

Easier said than done, but this has revealed to me the fact that I have not given all into His hands, for I am still easily let down and disappointed of things not going my way.

Less than a week from now, I will be on a plane going back to the U.S. I have not spent this much time home in years and while I’ve very much appreciated it, I know going back now is probably a good idea. I’m reaching the end of my ropes in terms of missing my own privacy and the freedom to set my own schedule.

This past week, I’ve gotten a little sick with some stomach issues and my hormones have been really affected by external factors. This past month, there was one day Hanoi reached being the most polluted city in the world. My skin and body have been struggling a little bit coming from Switzerland (truly night and day) and being home for the holidays for such an extended period of time (unstable diets and schedules etc). However, I’m incredibly grateful for the shelter that is my parents’ home and not having to worry about providing for myself in the past month and a half. Seeing extended family and some friends have also been a sweet treat!

I also started a Read the Bible in a Year challenge! Excited to do this with my friends at CRU – and so incredibly excited to see them soon!

I can’t believe this 8-month journey is coming to an end. Just a week from now I’ll be standing in Virginia instead of Hanoi and will be preparing for the last semester of graduate school to begin. I will be taking 18 hours of classes and work a part-time job with World Vision International two weeks into the semester. I already have recipes picked out and new clothes my mom bought me for the new year, and a new Bible plan I’m following, so I feel pretty set for the year.

Trends I’m into this year: more time in the Word, more vegan recipes, more walks, underconsumption, going to bed at 10, and making even more new friends!

You coming along? Glad to hear it!

Love,

Tram